He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous.
He says everything I need to hear
And it’s like I couldn't ask for anything better
.
I splash on my makeup slow.
The brush is so tenderly sweet to my cheeks.
It's making even the largest blemishes fade away, blend in with it surrounding skin.
Are my other blemishes visible?
Not the physical ones, but the ones that hurt the most.
The breaking of a heart.
Can they see it on my face?
Can they tell by what I say?
Can they see it in my eyes?
I know you can.
"Honey, he's here."
I gasp, but then I come to the realization that, you aren't here.
He is.
He opens up my door and
I get into his car and he says
you look beautiful tonight.
And I feel perfectly fine.
"Thanks," I replied half heartedly.
He makes it quickly to the drivers seat and slides in.
After starting the engine, he considerable starts small talk.
"How was school today?" he glances at me when it's not completely necessary for him too keep his eyes on the road.
I appreciate his concern, "It was fine." I quickly add, "You know, just school."
He laughs, "Yeah, I sure do."
We approach a stop sign, and he leans backward in his seat, "Glad it's Friday."
I nod.
Heck yes, I'm freaking bouncing off the walls.
He runs his fingers through his golden locks,"Hey, where were you at lunch."
Think, think, think up a lie.
"Oh, were you at tutoring again huh?"
"Yup, I was." I agreed to the false statement without an issue
With zero guilt and no traces of a lie on my face, nor in my voice, I wondered how long I could keep this up.
Your words entered my mind.
You can do anything, hon, I know you can.
Leave words, leave.
Is there a more worse time for me to listen to you for the first time in 6 months then now?
No.
Of course not.
Why?
Because I'm a jerk.
But I miss screamin’ and fightin’ and kissin’ in the rain
and its 2 am and I’m cursin’ your name.
You’re so in love that you act insane
and that’s the way I loved you.
When I think about you, I think about the love we had.
It was so difficult.
You made me tell you what I wanted - whatever that was...
Made me think about things in a broader prospective.
...really there's no words that I can use that would give the love we had justice.
had.
I mean the love we had.
Breakin’ down and comin’ undone
it’s a roller coaster kinda rush.
And I never knew I could feel that much.
And that’s the way I loved you.
You would make me so mad to find out what was wrong.
Once I got became mad, I could spill easy.
You know that much to well...
knew
He respects my space
And never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will.
He drops me off and promises, he'll call tomorrow afternoon.
I smiled, thinking how I told him I didn't feel good at dinner.
He promises to come by tomorrow, lunch, then maybe watch a movie or something.
I slide out of the car and avoid his kiss, "I don't want to pass anything to you."
He smiles that grin of kindness, "Okay. Love you."
I tuck my hair behind my ear, smile, and nods at what he say.
That night. I think about the both of you.
One the perfect boy friend. Gorgeous, sweet. He calls before he leave his house warning me he'll be there in 10 minutes. He pays for everything. He holds open doors, again perfect.
You are like that.
The difference is you have negatives.
Negatives I miss.
This is completely insane to no end and I have to accept it.
It's how I feel.
He’s close to my mother
Talks business with my father.
He’s charming and endearing
And I'm comfortable.
The next afternoon he arrives at 12 sharp, smiles for everyone.
My Mom answers the door and I decide to greet him when the music video I'm watching ends.
A minute later I walk into the kitchen, he's already helping my Mom with the sandwiches.
"Hey." he grins and kisses my cheek.
"Hey", I flash him a half smile, "Looks like you'll be doing my job today..."
"Yep." he grinned, giving me a quick wink.
A gave him as much of a smile as I could without moving my lips from the line they were in .
My Dad came home within the hour and both of them got along great too...
It's nice, but not exciting
But I miss screamin’ and fightin’ and kissin’ in the rain
And it’s 2 am and I'm cursin’ your name.
You're so in love that you act insane
And that’s the way I loved you.
I believe the most exciting thing I've done with him is not tip the waiter.
Sure, my feelings are safe...but my feelings are safe.
In the terms that, I feel....nothing with him.
Nothing.
Not happy, sad, excited, upset....
Just content.
Breakin’ down and comin’ undone
It’s a roller coaster kinda rush.
And I never knew I could feel that much.
And that’s the way I loved you.
With you, I'd be caught with my emotion tearing up, whether it was happiness or despair, I felt something.
So many things.
He can’t see the smile I’m fakin’.
And my hearts not breakin’
Cause I’m not feelin’ anything at all.
That's much better then feeling nothing at all.
And you were wild and crazy.
Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated,
got away by some mistake.
I know why you got away.
I know I still should be very angry at you.
I can't help but want you.
I can't help but still love you.
And now,
I miss screamin’, and fightin’, and kissin’ in the rain
it’s 2 am and I’m cursin’ your name.
I’m so in love that I acted insane.
And that’s the way I loved you.
I would spend hours pulling out my hair worrying about you.
Something that I'll never get is why I liked it.
Stressing.
For some crazy reason, I liked that, it kept me sane.
However I that's gone
Breakin’ down and comin’ undone
it’s a roller coaster kinda rush.
And I never knew I could feel that much.
And that’s the way I loved you.
I have to get used to this.
I have to live without you.
Breathing without you.
Be happy without you
It's possible.
It has to be.
Because...
And that’s the way I loved you.
You can't change the past.
You can't go back.
Never knew I could feel that much.
Let me rephrase that.
And that’s the way I loved you.
We can't go back
